I didn’t watch the Superbowl gaming match that aired on the television yesterday evening, but that’s not going to stop me from critiquing Katy Perry’s totally batshit halftime outfits.
Moschino creative director and glorious freak of nature Jeremy Scott designed his pal Katy’s wardrobe for the highly anticipated performance.
Perry kicked off her lackluster performance wearing a sparkly number decorated with flames while singing her famous track, “This Girl is on Fire.” Wait… no that can’t be right. Anyway, Lenny Kravitz showed up, inciting a number of obvious Hunger Games jokes (for those of you who didn’t see Hunger Games, Lenny Kravitz plays a clothing designer whose signature fashions feature flames. People typically get a lol out of seemingly disparate pop culture references – that’s basically how the Internet works).
Moving on. Next Perry squeezed her famous beach balls into, well, beach balls. No deflation here people – her rack looks totally awesome. She wore this number while singing “Teenage Dream,” so if any of the millions of horny gentlemen watching the Superbowl found this look arousing, that’s totally fucked up and you should be deeply ashamed.
At last, Missy Elliot joins Perry onstage to sing a medley of songs that don’t make me want to stab forks in my eardrums. Because Missy Elliot is a hip-hop artist, Perry wore an oversized hoodie and no pants. Her sweatshirt bore the number 49 because this is the 49th time this sporting event has taken place. Of all Perry’s outfits, this one is the most logical.
Perry finished off the performance by singing “Firework” in a vampy, one-shouldered ball gown covered in stars. Every joke I’d like to make about this part of her performance is encapsulated in this Simpsons reference (remember what I said before about connecting seemingly disparate pop culture references? Lolz).
At any rate, Missy Elliot totally stole the show and no one even noticed how Ms. Perry looked.
Fresh off the lackluster enthusiasm surrounding Katty Perry’s Superbowl Halftime Show, the singer announced today that her Prismatic World Tour will air on EPIX on March 28th. If yesterday evening was any indication, one can expect a flurry of over-the-top, totally absurd getups totally worthy of an Instagram joke or two.