“We begin with the breaking news about Hillary Clinton’s death,” ABC7 New York’s Joe Torres announced at the beginning a broadcast this weekend.
Hillary Clinton, we can confirm, is not dead.
She did, however, suffer a health scare on Sunday at a 9/11 memorial in New York, a very real and huge scandal that we should all spend a lot of time worrying about. Clinton, her team later revealed, has been suffering from pneumonia. She is the first candidate for office to have ever fallen sick on the job, and therefore no longer qualified to serve as president.