Back in my day we used to say “I’m just reading Playboy for the articles.” There’s a contemporary analogy as well, apparently, because the Fifty Shades of Grey series is absolutely rotten with classical music. “I’m just reading for the description of Christopher’s manly fingers twinkling over the keys,” your one lonely friend from work might say. “His rendition of Rachmaninoff’s ‘Piano Concerto No.2 in C Minor, Op.18: II. Adagio sostenuto’ was spellbinding.”
“So lonely,” she’d add. “So cold and lonely.”
Naturally, sniffing out an opportunity to keep the cash taps flowing, EMI Classics has compiled Fifty Shades of Grey The Classical Album, a collection of songs, many of which are referenced throughout the books, hand picked by EL James herself.
“I am thrilled that the classical pieces that inspired me while I wrote the Fifty Shades Trilogy are being brought together in one collection for all lovers of the books to enjoy,” James has said.
It’s actually a masterfully chosen selection of pieces, like 16th century composer Thomas Tallis’s “Spem in Alium” and Pachbel’s “Canon in D”, or as they’re referenced in the books, “Sperm in Alium” and “Cannons in Double D.” *honks air horn*
I’m sorry, I shouldn’t kid around. Anything that gets people going back and listening to beautiful compositions like these can’t be all bad. Maybe Fifty Shades of Grey will inspire a musical cultural renaissance? Remember when everyone used to complain about people reading the Harry Potter books and fans were like “Well, at least it’s getting people reading”? And then we turned into a nation of geniuses.
I think this will probably play out the same way once a wider audience gets a taste of Cantaloube’s “Chants d’Auvergne.” More like cantaloups though, am I right? Ripe, bountiful cantaloupes. Hmm, starting to see the appeal of this book after all.