Last night was the season finale of beloved guilty pleasure The Bachelorette and, unsurprisingly, Rachel Lindsay walked away engaged to an objectively handsome, pretty lame dude. Though he was probably the least well-liked of the final three contestants, no one can really be surprised or even upset that Rachel chose Bryan Abasolo, the “health and medical professional” (is it just me, or at the beginning of the season was he a chiropractor?) from Miami with the crazy mom. I mean, it’s her life. We can be upset, however, with how it happened. In fact, last night’s finale of The Bachelorette was the most upsetting finale the show has ever seen (yes, I’ve watched all 13 seasons. I am not ashamed).
Before I get into why this ridiculous reality show has me questioning whether or not I’ll ever find love, let me break down what happened. First, Rachel gets rid of Eric so she can get down to business. Now we’re left with two dudes. On the one hand, there’s Bryan, who has been ready to propose since he
found out he was going to be on television met Rachel. Then there’s Peter, who’s super hot, mature and thoughtful but isn’t sure if he’s ready to get engaged to this woman he met a few weeks ago. He does, however, love her and hopes he eventually feels “sure” enough to pop the question.
So, in what was surely the most painful Bachelorette breakup ever, Rachel gives Peter the boot. Then they rehash their breakup on live television while Bryan, Rachel’s fiancé, watches from backstage. It wasn’t pretty. Then, like ten minutes later, Bryan comes out onto the live show and he and Rachel make out a bunch and pretend as if Peter never existed. They then move to either Miami, Texas or Los Angeles (because apparently they have, like, barely discussed it) and have a winter wedding, because what Rachel wants, Rachel gets.
There are a few reasons why this outcome has everyone so shook. First, the stakes were high because we actually like Rachel. She’s smart, funny, a major babe and dresses like an actual human being. I’m not just here for a good time, I’m personally invested in this woman’s happiness (does that sound crazy? Hang on, I’m about to sound a lot crazier). I know in my heart that Rachel loves Peter more than Bryan. I know it! We all know it! She just wanted that ring, guys!
But it gets worse. Bryan was dweebier, cheesier and less appealing than ever in this episode. He gave her a homemade Spanish/English dictionary with words like “wife” and “forever” in it. He proposed to her “again” on live TV. He wore what appeared to be a pleather jacket (or just a very cheap leather jacket). And, worst of all, he called Rachel, the first black bachelorette, “sassy,” on live television. Ugh, Bryan, no.
This is supposed to be drama, roses and fairy tales. Last night we watched a woman give up the man she loved because he wasn’t ready to commit in the way she needed him too. Shit got too real, and I am not here for it.