I really hadn’t planned on spending any more time ripping on Taylor Swift this week, but after taking a cursory glance at the horrifically designed Taylor Swift merch site, I just couldn’t help myself.
As with the song, the UPS collab and the album cover (let’s not even get started on the music video – there’s only so much time in a day), I find myself screaming “WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON HERE” into the abyss. Sadly, no answers are returned. So I guess Swift is trying to troll Kanye by (sometimes) using a gothic font not unlike that used on his Pablo merch. But also, she’s trolling Tom Hiddleston by offering “I heart TS” shirts?” Or maybe she’s trolling the media, who made a circus out of her short-lived relationship with Hiddleston? Okay, sure.
But also, she’s trolling everyone who’s ever insinuated that she’s a snake, which includes but is not limited to Kimye, Calvin Harris, Katy Perry and every single person on the internet? But also, she’s trolling me for making merch so hideous and vague in its purpose that I’m forced to write about it?
Is Taylor going to pop out of a UPS truck and scream “YOU’VE ALL BEEN PUNKED” and drop her real single/video/album art, throwing live, poisonous snakes at all of us? Or is this shit for real? I’m so confused.