Culture

Joe Jonas Sex Tape Is Fake? Child Porn on Facebook Is Not

Culture

Joe Jonas Sex Tape Is Fake? Child Porn on Facebook Is Not

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There was a flurry of speculation last night on the internet that a sex tape featuring Joe Jonas, of the internet Jonases, and his model girlfriend Blanda Eggenschwiler was about to be released. Not your average sex tape, an anonymous source claimed, which, with credentials like that, it seems weird that we ever doubted him in the first place.

The video [shot by a friend of the couple while in a Buenos Aries hotel] features explicit footage of Joe Jonas, 23, and his [model] girlfriend, Blanda Eggenschwiler, 28, drinking, doing drugs, and engaging in sex using a number of sex toys and BDSM devices, including dildos, a gag ball, and a slapper paddle.

I’ve often fantasized about using a ball gag on Joe Jonas myself, I must admit, but not for sexxxy reasons — I just don’t want him to sing anymore.

They proceed to engage in multiple sex acts utilizing a variety of sex toys, including a large dildo, a gag ball, and a slapper paddle. Joe participates willingly, but seems less sure of how to use the sex toys, as well as how they will be used on him. He does not enjoy being paddled. At one point he has had enough and cries “Owww! Don’t do that anymore!” Blanda is the more dominant one in the video. At one point she inserts the dildo inside of herself, orders Joe to “lick my p*ssy juice off of it,” and he complies. (via)

Probably seemed like the gentlemanly thing to do at the time. Apparently all of the furious blogifying over the rumor was for not, because Jonas’ people are denying its existence.

But a spokesman for Joe, 23, insists no filthy footage exists.

The rep said: “There is no truth or validity to this story. It is completely false.”

The news will be a relief for fans of the Jonas Brothers.

The boys are all evangelical Christian and wore purity rings for years – vowing to abstain from sex until they married. (The Sun)

Yes. This will be a relief for their fans, none of whom have spent the past few years imagining exactly this scenario described above every day.

In much more horrifying news, apparently a video of explicit child pornography was circulating on Facebook last night.

A video of unknown origin appearing to show a grown man sexually abusing an infant girl went viral overnight on Facebook, garnering as many as 32,000 shares and over 5,000 likes before finally being removed by the website.

According to users who came into contact with the video — whether through their newsfeed or on various Facebook forums — it took over eight hours for Facebook’s clean-up crew to eliminate the disturbing footage from its servers. (Gawker)

Naturally this must have been shocking for a lot of people to see pop up in their news feeds, but here’s an idea that we should all agree on going forward: If you see someone post childporn on Facebook, or anywhere, do not share it as if it were some LOL or EWWW video on Buzzfeed. Report that shit, post-haste. Then pray for humanity.