You ever have that little fantasy around Oscars time, wondering what it might be like if you got to go? What would you wear!? Would Hollywood be exactly like you’d always imagined behind the scenes? Or would it be refreshingly normal, just another workplace office party with more attractive people? Would Jared Leto fall in love with you and whisk you away to a neo-grunge yoga retreat in the Alps or whatever it is he does on his off days? Laura Simpson got to find out first hand, when her longtime friend Jennifer Lawrence brought her along as her date. (Jlaw is gay rumors!) She wrote about it for Myspace, and it’s a pretty funny, and enlightening account. Some highlights:
While every girl I knew squealed and asked what I was wearing I was riddled with anxiety. The day before the Oscars I had a fitting with Dior where I got to try on some beautiful dresses. I was between two dresses: the Carrie Bradshaw all-you-can-eat dress and the Angelina Jolie sexy leg kimono. I really wasn’t sure if I would ever get back to the Oscars so I let my inner Carrie Bradshaw take over and went with the dress with eight pounds of tullle.
And, like Carrie, she quickly fell into the trap of thinking it was all about her, she writes.
The most interesting thing you don’t get to see? The streets outside the event are line with men with machine guns and screaming Jesus freaks. Although that sounds like most streets in America, so maybe not.
Right before you get to the red carpet, you get to Westboro Baptists with huge yellow signs of pictures of Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Paul Walker saying “BURNING IN HELL” and other despicable things. It’s so surreal and hate-filled, I feel like I am heading to my own personal Salem Witch Trial. One thing is for sure: They think we’re all going to hell.
And then the big moment: THE FALL. That was her head JLaw grabbed as she fell.
We finally arrive at the red carpet and as we exit the car, my date eats shit and uses my freshly done Lauren Conrad up do to break her fall. The crowd goes wild. There are flashbulbs and people circling yet no one asks if I need any help because unless you are famous at the Oscars, you are completely invisible. I have never experienced anything like it. The only time anyone talks to you is if you are in the way of his or her photo. Oh and photographers on the carpet yell “YOU IN THE HUGE DRESS, GET OUT OF THE FUCKING SHOT.” It’s incredible. It is no wonder actors are crazy.
Read the rest of the piece here.