Rhiann Woodyard and Cheetah Platt, two acrobats of some sort whose names are Rhiann and Cheetah, are just two crazy kids in love with a dream. A dream to get married 38 times in a row all over the world. Who’s to stop them, you might ask? Let these insanely rich people do as they please. But, as it turns out, they don’t actually have the money for the weddings. Instead, they want you, the gullible dipshit, to send them off on their whirlwind wedding tour through a crowdfunding effort. These two can go fuck themselves acrobatically.
Over the weekend, as they told People magazine, they got married in Thailand. This follows previous weddings in Colombia, Spain, Ireland, Morocco, Egypt, Kenya and India, with many more to come, all thanks to you and the rest of the idiots of the world.
“The couple, who normally live in California, came up with this elaborate plan after they became increasingly frustrated with the mounting costs that came along with wedding planning,” People writes. Ah, I see. They couldn’t afford one good wedding, so they settled for a few dozen amazing ones. Makes sense. “In their budget, they could afford an ‘acceptable wedding,’ but not their ‘perfect wedding,'” Platt said.
“We’re using nature as the venue,” Woodyard says. “In terms of the ceremony, the only rule is that we say our vows.”
This spontaneous attitude towards marriage may be unconventional, but for them, the mechanics work. Each wedding lasts only two to four minutes, depending on the time constraints dictated by the ceremony’s locale.
No outside officiator is present during their weddings, either. Both Woodyard and Platt were ordained online and are conducting “self-unifying ceremonies,” in which they marry each other. It’s a practice that’s legal in several states, and “once we found that out,” Platt says, “we thought, that is us.”
That is so you guys. Anyway, it’s been nice working and living here in America, but I’m joining ISIS now. Good bye.