December 4, 2012

I was going to ignore this mostly-unremarkable but not all that bad track from Carmen Electra “I Like It Loud”, her first in almost 20 years since — hold on, this can’t be right, can it? — the tracks she made with Prince(????), until, as I should have known was about to happen, things got nice and weird. Toward the middle of the song she switches from a cut out bin Fergie delivery into a sort Azealia Banks cadence and Lana Del Rey pwetty wittle girl sexy talk voice. Alright, I thought, this is internet, let’s internet this.

“Boy you make me so hot hot. Hold my glass up down with one shot shot. See me getting dizzy right on the spot spot. I can be your little sex pot. Get your camera out Instagrammers before you kiss off my makeups, slide into the photo booth for a makeout. You like the Lana Del Rey pout.”

Of course the references to Del Rey and Instagram were literally shoved in there just so gullible rubes like me would run over to the internet and write “Haw haw, that old person whose boobs I used to look at talked about internet,” but you can’t blame her because it worked.

Also, is it just me or is that a halfway decent verse? Shit. And the production, from Bill Hamel, who’s worked on records for everyone ever (Seriously: Depeche Mode, New Order, Marilyn Manson, MIchael Buble, Tegan and Sara, Seal, Enrique Iglesias, Paramore, Ne-Yo, Rihanna, Madonna, Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake) is completely passable contemporary disposable electro-pop.

Not sure I’d go so far as the hyper-ventilating critic at Artist Direct who gave it 4.5/5 stars and wrote “It’s a slick, sexy, and seductive dance floor firecracker that sees Electra at her hottest. Gliding from propulsive club-ready production into a massive hook carried by the singer’s inimitable delivery, the track simply sizzles” but it’s far from a literal piece of shit, and that counts for something.

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