Music

Hipster Record Bandit On the Loose, Gunning For Your Choicest Platters

Music

Hipster Record Bandit On the Loose, Gunning For Your Choicest Platters

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By this point, bands are used to having their music stolen, just not, you know, literally from their apartments. That’s what happened to Amy Linton of the beloved San Francisco Brit-tinged-twee-poppers Aislers Set this weekend, according to this actual news story written and then edited and then subsequently published in the Riverfront Times.

Obviously, being robbed is a traumatic experience, and anyone who’s been through it can sympathize with the feelings of vulnerability and frustration that ensue—I had my bag of dirty gym clothes and a 40-year-old iPod stolen out of my car two months ago and it still stings—but what if it wasn’t just your dumb old boring shit that got took, asks this piece? What if it was the super-cute record collection of indie classics lovingly curated by a super-cute cult musician? Practically makes everything else seem pointless in comparison.

Being robbed sucks. Being robbed of your record collection – especially if you are a music fan – is worse. But how about if your collection was robbed selectively? If it wasn’t merely the work of a desperate meth addict, but someone who actually had the time to methodically pick and choose? That’s got to be a particularly bad sort of privacy invasion.

This crate-digging thief, which is also a pretty good way to describe most DJs since you brought it up, isn’t just a piece-of-shit criminal—he or she is also a thief of refined taste. INDIE ROCK GAME THOMAS CROWNE AFFAIR. (Don’t steal that script idea).

Apparently, the thief had taken only the most sought-after releases, including works by the Jam, the Smiths, Felt, Television Personalities, Brian Eno and My Bloody Valentine. (Anyone who’s heard Linton’s work with Aislers Set or Henry’s Dress will appreciate just how close those artists are to her heart.)

“It’s just so mind-bending that someone who was invited into my house by a roommate or me would do this, and with such attention and calculation,” Linton posted. “I’m really confused. The house is full of record collections, yet all but mine are intact. So careful they were to decimate my archive. I’m confused and heartbroken.”

Hold on, is this the most subtle #humblebrag of all time? Yeah, it’s weird, all these other pointless shitty records around the house, and he just happened to take the best examples of my exquisite taste. We’re dealing with a really fucking cool thief here, I don’t think you need me to point that out.

Strangely going untouched were the hundreds of old Aisler Set CDs sitting around in carboard boxes for the last seven years.

Authorities have released a sketch of the suspect, which is basically just a picture of a stick figure with skinny jeans and a mustache on, and have advised anyone living in a inexplicably huge loft in urban centers throughout the country to be on high alert. I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you though, no one’s going to go the trouble to steal any of that janky shit you listen to.

Here’s an Aisler Set song that’s quite lovely.

 

 

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