Bless Kate Middleton’s heart for giving shithead bloggers like me something to shithead blog about. The Duchess of Cambridge and her husband, who goes simply by The Duke, were in Australia recently as part of a tour of the Pacific. There, for some reason unbeknownst to the rest of the planet, she was given the chance to maneuver a vinyl record back and forth so that it causes friction against the needle, thus producing a wheezy screeching sound. In certain circles, this is known as “scratching,” and it was once considered cool. Breaking News Update: Scratching is no longer considered cool.