Hatchet-Wielding Hitchhiker is the Hero We’ve Been Waiting For


Hatchet-Wielding Hitchhiker is the Hero We’ve Been Waiting For


We may not always get the heroes we want, but we’ll get the heroes we deserve, and this hatchet-wielding hitchhiker, the long awaited sequel to Hobo With A Shotgun, is a man for our times.

In an interview with KMPH, the hitchhiking homeless man — identified only as Kai — detailed the crazy scene that unfolded in Fresno, Calif. on Friday. Suspect Jett Simmons McBride allegedly ran his car into a African American Pacific Gas and Electric worker, pinning him to his truck. Bystanders said McBride was yelling that he was Jesus Christ, here to save the world from “black people.”

But McBride didn’t stop there. He reportedly turned on bystander Tanya Baker, who was trying to help the PG&E worker, and wrapped his arms around her in a violent bear hug.

That’s when Kai swooped in with his hatchet. via

Here’s some new analysis on that whole thing up there: Holleeee-shit.

“No matter what you’ve done, you deserve respect, even if you make mistakes, you’re loveable, it doesn’t matter you looks, age, skills, or anything…you’re worthwhile,” Kai says. Unless you think you’re Jesus and you smash your car into a black dude, then he’s going to smash your head in with a hatchet, save the day, give the best interview ever, and own the internet.

That’s not the extent of his wisdom, which also extends to what to do when you get crushed, whether or not possessions, and ages, and names mean anything, and a fierce sense of justice.

“It was like the biggest wave I’ve ever rode in my life.” He said, getting the world stoked. “I don’t have any family,” he went on, quickly turning this feel good story into a bummer. “As far as everyone I grew up with is concerned I’m already dead.”



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