Film & TV

‘Girls’ Finale: Every Douche Deserves Ray’s Epic Rant

Film & TV

‘Girls’ Finale: Every Douche Deserves Ray’s Epic Rant

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The season finale of Girls aired last night, and like the rest of this season, it was pretty satisfying. Shoshanna finally landed the job of her dreams (in Tokyo, which really seems like the most appropriate place on planet earth for her to live), Jessa dunks her head in Caroline’s birthing water (wouldn’t it be much bloodier and more disgusting? She even opens her eyes! If that’s not a surefire way to get pinkeye, I’m not sure what is) and Hannah shuts down Adam’s plea to take him back in what may have been the most tragic, heartfelt scene of the entire series. In fact, the only major letdown is that Elijah got no screen time.

But no moment brought me greater satisfaction than when Ray told off Marnie’s douchebag fiancé, Desi.

If you’re a straight female living in New York city, it is likely that at some point in your life, you or someone you know has dated a Desi: an attractive narcissist who is so impossibly pompous and irritating, you literally must resist the urge to punch him in the face with every fiber of your being. When you’re dating a Desi, you’re oblivious to their shittiness; hypnotized by their looks, their sexual prowess and their creative talents, whatever they may be. You even become shittier by association. And all your friends can do is sit by, biting their tongues and restraining their fists, waiting for them to inevitably dump or cheat on you (I’ve been on both the friend side and the dating a Desi side of this situation, and I’ve literally never seen it end differently). Desi embodies this common enemy so flawlessly, when I saw the actor who plays him at a fashion week event last month, I genuinely had to resist the urge to punch him in the face.

So when Ray finally tells off Desi in the most flawless way possible, it was a dream come true. It’s everything you want to tell an asshole who’s dating your friend, but can’t.

Ray points out Desi’s general douchiness (his guyliner, his manner of dress) and the fact that he will never be able to understand Marnie’s complexities (“She is a fully formed woman!”) – all valid and wonderful points, but there are three lines of dialogue in this confrontation that are so perfect, I have since fantasized about having this exact exchange with at least a dozen people.

It’s set up by Desi pointing out that the “lines” between he and Ray are “faulty,” and that he is the kind of guy who “needs to know that none of my lines are faulty, that I’m making everyone around me happy.” Then…

RAY: Unfortunately, Desi, you’re not going to get that assurance from me today.

DESI: Okay… can you expound on that?

RAY: You’re not going to get that assurance from me because I fucking hate you.

Hell fucking yes.