Advice

George Takei Offers Advice on Naked Selfies, Botox, and Soul Mates

Advice

George Takei Offers Advice on Naked Selfies, Botox, and Soul Mates

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Oh my! Actor, author, and Star Trek alum George Takei prognosticates on your pressing problems. (But first things first: Put down your phone and put your damn clothes back on.)

Dear George, 

I know famous people get busted for it all the time, but without the threat of having them leaked online, what are your thoughts on texting naked selfies?
It depends on your body. Nobodywants to see an ugly body—theywant to see a beautiful body. Most bodies are unattractive and should be kept covered.

Dear George, 

If you had to predict, how will the world end?
Since I am an optimist, I don’t think it will end.

Dear George, 

I get Botox pretty regularly, but there are people who say it could be bad for me in the long run. Do you think I should stop?
There is dignity in allowing Mother Nature to have her way with you. I always mind Mother.

Dear George, 

I’ve spent the past seven years trying to build my own version of Star Trek’s famous transporter. I tested it out last week, and it actually worked! Now I’m stuck under my girlfriend’s bed while she’s having sex with another guy. What’s my next move?
Just beam out of there!

Dear George, 

What’s the secret to eternal youth?
To see life as an eternal comedy.

Dear George, 

Breast implants: On the one hand, confidence—on the other, back pain. Should I do it?
It’s not one hand or the other—it’s tit for tat.

H-h-h-heeeeey George! 

How many drunks iz to many? 
If you can’t handle it, one drink is too many.

Dear George, 

What advice would you give someone facing life imprisonment?
Live long and you won’t prosper.

Dear George, 

If you knew the world was going to end tomorrow, what would you do?
I’d take the money I’ve been saving to pay taxes and buy a one-way ticket off this planet.

Dear George, 

I’m pretty sure my roommate is using my bar of soap. There’s, like, a hair situation accumulating on the bar itself. How do I get him to stop?
Stop bathing and your roommate will get the hint.

Dear George, 

A psychic told me I’d find my soul mate at a Star Trek convention. What’s the best way to meet someone at those things?
Stand in the George Takei “photo opportunity” queue and, no matter what happens, it will be the best hour of your life.

Artwork by Pinar&Viola.

 

You don’t need to be a Vulcan to see into the future. The Future issue, now at the Bullett Shop!