BULLETT

Barack Obama, the shiftless lollygagger of a president, has been known, on occasion, to take the rest afforded by a suspension of voluntary bodily functions and the natural suspension of consciousness, as Fox News pointed out in this recent headline about the “Slacker-In-Chief.” As HyperVocal points out, “Hey, ya know, all that Hip-Hop BBQ’ing makes a man sleepy.”

“Concerning the fun parts of his job, Barack Obama resembles the Energizer Bunny,” writes the nation’s most readily-confused for The Onion news source. “If there are crowds to wow, entertainers to schmooze or donors to pitch, Obama is Johnny on the spot.”

But…*screen fades to grey, narrator’s voice gets more ominous, shots of Muslims rioting in the streets, babies being torn apart by hyenas, that one famous rap guy looking scary in a hip-hop baseball hat costume*

“Too bad Obama’s sparks stop flying when it comes time for the serious, heavy lifting of the presidency.”

The Fox report goes on to point out that instead of attending daily briefings the week between September 4 and September 11 of this year (poignancy alert), Obama simply read a briefing book detailing the information that he would have learned at those meetings, had he gone, from someone’s speaking mouth words rather than, as he did, through their written down words. That was the week before the protests in Libya led to the death of Ambassador J. Christopher Stevens, among others. Not only that, “Obama postponed and eventually skipped his briefing on the day after these planned and deliberate assassinations. This liberated Obama for a truly indispensable responsibility that day. As American embassies burned brightly throughout the Islamic world, Obama jetted off on Air Force One for a campaign fundraiser in America’s least solemn city — Las Vegas.”