Ever find yourself at home, all alone, thinking, I can’t believe it’s not better? Well, fear not, limpid lovers: model, author, and actor Fabio saves the day with a few simple steps to Old Spice up your sex life.
Dear Fabio, I’m a sex addict, but since people keep throwing themselves at me, I don’t see any reason why I should change. Should I listen to the quibbling of society and get treatment, or continue with my hedonistic lifestyle?
Too much of anything is not good for you, but it’s better than not enough. Try to limit yourself to sevens or higher. Seriously though, balance is key.
Dear Fabio, What is the appropriate amount of time to wait before contacting her?
The three-day rule is totally old school. With social media, one day is cool.
Dear Fabio, My wife of 14 years says I’m not romantic enough. Please advise.
If your marriage is important to you, try making more of an effort. The classics—flowers, chocolates, and romantic dinners—still work. Make ’em work for you.
Dear Fabio, I have been propositioned via email. I’m not even sure I know this person. What should I do?
If you’re interested, check it out. But travel carefully! You never know who, or what, you might find.
Dear Fabio, My husband is transparently gay. I knew this when I married him, but somehow I allowed myself to go through with it anyway. Is there a subtle way to tell him that I know without endangering the marriage?
If you’re aware that your husband is transparently gay, then he is probably aware of it, too. What’s with the secrets? Honesty is always the best policy. If you care about each other enough to stay married this long, you probably care about each other enough to have that conversation. Stay strong and, most importantly, don’t blame yourself.
Dear Fabio, I have a feeling I love my boyfriend more than he loves me. Am I paranoid?
Only if you think someone is following you. Why does this even matter to you? Relax and enjoy yourself.
Dear Fabio, My girlfriend has frequent Internet sex and sometimes wants to include me. I feel bad about saying no, but at the same time: propriety. What is the solution?
If you like it, who cares? If you don’t, let us know how we can access her webcam show. Follow up question: How come she only wants to include you sometimes? If she’s doing that and you’re worried about propriety, chances are this isn’t the girl you’ll be introducing to Mom anyway.
Dear Fabio, All the sexual positions I enjoy are not considered feminist. Should I care?
Not at all. Whatever works for you is best. Woof!
Dear Fabio, I’ve gone through an intense breakup and I’m extremely fragile right now, not to mention completely un-sexual. What should I do to repair my ailing libido?
Self-confidence is key. Take some time for yourself. Working out is a good way to release endorphins and will allow you to start feeling good about yourself again. You have to love yourself before others can love you.
Dear Fabio, What is the secret to eternal love?
My friend, you have the heart of a romantic. This is a question that only you can answer. In my travels, I have found that honesty, friendship, loyalty, and mutual respect are essential elements. Enjoy the journey.
Artwork by Pinar&Viola.