January 30, 2013

“Well, you got what you wanted; an Entourage Movie,” Adrien Grenier tweeted last night, sounding more like a passive aggressive scorned lover than a film actor announcing a movie. He was talking to fans of the HBO show, but he might as well have been talking to hacky joke writers, because, did you happen to know that that one show Entourage about a group of fictional douchey bros is often appreciated by IRL douchey bros? Allow me to direct you to the past few billion mentions of it online for reference in case you missed it. The only thing douchier than Entourage at this point is making a joke about how douchey Entourage is. Did you also happen to know that one popular rock band Nickelback isn’t very hip? Fresh takes.

Here are a few new ones hot off the presses today:

UPROXX has an imaginary script from the film, which, hahaha, imagines a bunch of bros doing all sorts of bro-y stuff.

INT. SOME SICK CRIB WITH NOTHING BUT POSTERS OF TWO GIRLS KISSING STRADDLING A FLEET OF ON-FIRE SPEEDBOATS ON THE WALLS.

CHET: Yo, Date Rape Steve, didja hear the news?

DATE RAPE STEVE: Wut?

DATE RAPE STEVE snorts a line of cocaine laid out on a DVD boxset of Burn Notice

CHET: The Entourage movie, they’re finally making it.

The two frat brothers jump out of their chairs, whip out their comically small penises, and start twirling them around in a celebratory fashion, stopping only occasionally to pop their collars and exchange stories about the time they saw Sublime NOT with Rome. But then DATE RAPE STEVE stops, as if to ponder something.

The Jokes on Twitter are even better:

“If you just can’t wait for the Entourage movie, simply drink a bottle of Axe body spray and hit your head on a glass table. via

Movie theaters across the US bolster their air circulation systems for the immense amount of Axe body spray the Entourage movie will bring. via

A theater showing the ENTOURAGE movie will probably lead to many “bros” suffocating to death from the insane levels of Axe Body Spray. via

I’m excited for an Entourage movie because I’ve always wanted to try popcorn that tastes like AXE Body Spray. via

Shares of Axe Body Spray soared after-hours on news of Entourage movie. via

They do tend to utilize that one brand of aerosol perfume, bros.

If WB doesn’t make an Entourage movie this year, the rights revert back to Axe Body Spray. That’s why this is happening. via

OK, that one was pretty good. Fans of Entourage, you may or may not know, are also famous for date raping people.

The Entourage movie is gonna be a great flick for a first date-rape. via

“Can I take you out to date rape you — I mean, to the new Entourage movie?” — soon to be pick up line. via

McDonalds won the tie-in rights to the new Entourage movie – for a limited time all Happy Meals will come with little toy date rape drugs. via

You get the idea. This sure seems like a movie for douchebags LOL!

The Entourage movie is going to be a great way to identify douchebags in larger numbers than they usually congregate (Lollapalooza aside). via

“I want to get a bunch of friends together and dress up like douchebags for the midnight premier of the Entourage movie”  via

Seems within your grasp.

“I can’t wait for the Entourage movie premiere so that no matter what bar I go to there will be exactly zero douchebags inside.” via

Are you sure about that math?

“Yes, they’re making an Entourage movie!” said douchebags. via

So glad the #Entourage movie is finally happening because there aren’t enough movies about rich douchebags getting even richer. via

ΟΚ I know I am late to this, but let me get this straight, Entourage is a show about a bunch of douchebags being douches. And it was a hit via

The first part of that tweet was the truest.

Entourage movie. It’s for douchebags. Ed Hardy and four loko. Joke over. via

The last part of that Tweet was the truest.

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