Sandwiches that use glazed donuts for their bread are nothing new: There’s the legendary “Luther” burger that may or may not have helped kill Luther Vandross (probably!) and a number of regional restaurants that’ve dared to sell a similar item. But a mass market chain has never ventured into the business, which is what makes Dunkin’ Donuts’ announcement that they’ve begun to test a donut-using breakfast sandwich in parts of Massachusetts seem deathly inevitable—as though all it takes is availability for America to ignore its conscience and begin piling as many lard-soaked calories into its mouth as it can. From Eater, the Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich is a typical combination of bacon and egg between two halves of a glazed donut. No word on the calorie count, but you probably wouldn’t want more than one at a time lest you flip off your metabolism too aggressively.
But is this really such a bad thing? Isn’t America all about freedom—the freedom to spend your money on the artery-clogging foodstuffs you want? I’m reminded of KFC’s Double Down, which inspired paroxysms of patronizing when it came out a few years ago but has yet to be responsible for America’s constant march toward obesity. There’s something garish and atypical about the Double Down that prevented it from becoming a new standard of fast food—same with the Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich, which should inspire pangs of responsibility in all its non-stoned consumers. Unlike a large soda or a Big Mac, which have relatively benign appearances, matching sweet with savory isn’t necessarily a natural sell—or else chicken and waffle chains would’ve gone national instead of regional. But maybe I’m wrong, and we’re increasingly fucked. Just another instance of my mind saying no while my body says yes.