Dreaming with the Ultimate Dreamer, Audrey Kitching


Dreaming with the Ultimate Dreamer, Audrey Kitching


Photography: Brian Bruno

Though she’s one of the original Internet icons, Myspace-bred Audrey Kitching doesn’t live within the same superficial framework as most cyber-lebrities. A self-proclaimed “model, crystal worker, energy alchemist, artist and clairvoyant,” this ethereal, pink-haired earth angel uses social media like a mood board to translate her ultimate fantasies—a surreal, rose-colored world that looks more like stills from a vintage film than anything scraping reality.

Kitching’s online boutique, Crystal Cactus, is an extension of this dreamy mindset, featuring a personalized collection of handcrafted, limited quantity products that marry conscious living with spirituality. The store stocks magical lifestyle products and whimsical jewelry, from opulent crystal balls to amethyst necklaces, moon spell books to magical ritual kits—everything needed to become the neighborhood witch you’ve always dreamt of embodying.

Getting whisked into Kitching’s dream is effortless, so we decided to dive deeper and ask the angelic entrepreneur to describe to us a world without limitations.

Describe your dream lover:

An angel. Who wouldn’t want to make love to an angelic celestial being? It’s ecstasy—heaven on earth.

Describe your dream vacation:

A magic land with no humans anywhere—a land that none have every touched or inhabited. Fields of flowers, warm lakes, fruit, chocolate, bubble baths, birds, the sea and no clothing. I would have nothing planned, no events or itinerary. That’s a true vacation. I never understand people who go on trips and book it solid. To me, that defeats the whole point of an adventure on new land. You have to go with the flow, follow the paths that unfold in each moment. I try to live in my dream vacation world on a daily basis. It doesn’t always work, but it’s always well worth the try.


Describe your dream day off work.

Having my hundreds of plants magically water themselves, making some weirdo art, gardening and planting lavender around my home, laying on the ground somewhere hidden. I crave simple things; I have led such a strange life that simplicity feels almost out of touch, like it’s too good to be true. Give me simple dreams, keep the rest.

Describe your dream bedroom.

Opulent chandeliers—all gold, of course. Victorian rugs with hard wood floors. A huge bed with a hand-dyed duvet cover. Historic, angelic art in gold frames. I really love tacky gold adornments, I always have. I think it’s the Italian and Leo in me. Bird cages full of white doves and pink, periwinkle and navy blue parakeets. Candles and incense—lots of candles, way more than whatever you’re imagining. Big open windows and sheer curtains. An oversized bathtub full of herbal oil mixes, flowers in vases and crystal balls.

Describe your dream date.

Going to the conservatory, picnics in a graveyard, getting lost in an art museum, eating veggie dumplings on a roof, exploring abandoned homes, laying in a field, picking berries, painting.


Describe your dream legacy.

A mythic pink magical creature, who has survived life on earth against all odds.

Describe your dream form of transportation.

Teleportation, hands down. Planes, trains and cars are so human. It’s frustrating that I can’t do that yet.

Describe a recent dream—a real dream.

My dreams have two extremes. One extreme is messages and omens that are extremely important that I need to decipher. The other is complete debauchery that means absolutely nothing. This is the category my dream from last night falls into. I was in Japan at a bath house filled with samurai and I kept trying to escape by crawling through the bottom of bathroom stalls. All the stalls were filled with mirrors and ended up being like a strange labyrinth I couldn’t escape from. I think I stole one of their swords? I have no idea what the issue was, but I needed to get out. I unfortunately woke up to cat throwing toys around the house at 4 am and never got to see the ending.