When it’s time to list an open room on Craigslist, there are plenty of descriptive tricks that any amateur realtor can use to make the dingy wormhole they’re listing seem like a priceless get. “Exposed brick” conjures up images of rustic construction; “sun drenched” will get the renter excited for that natural lighting until they realize they’ve got to spend a fortune on curtains. On and on it goes, all in the name of getting prospective buyers to pull the trigger that much quicker on an apartment that’s off the G train.
But a group of enterprising youngs have come up with an even better scheme to rent their apartment: offer an real, authentic Girls experience, just like the show! “Are you a fan of the HBO TV show Girls?” their Craigslist ad reads. “Do you want to be happy and to stop living experiences for other people? Do you believe that your life represents a commentary on the state of the Caucasian, 20-something, used-to-be-upper-middle-class-but-now-only-sometimes-benefit-from-the-wealth-and-status-of-your-parents demographic? Well search no further; we have the perfect living experience for you.” For just $1500 a month beginning on May 1, you can live in Williamsburg™ and live your dream of having irresponsible sex with complete psychopaths. Who could turn that down? The “best” parts of the ad:
-One gay roommate, with a penchant for backhanded compliments, adding the oh-so-needed bitchiness to a night in of getting drunk and re-watching 90s TV shows. He is everything you might want in a roommate: neurotic, judgmental, and certainly more attractive than you.
-One roommate named Hannah (for reals) with the fashion sense of a homeless kindergartener. She shares a number of wardrobe items with Lena Dunham, but also adds a flare of originality through such novelties as elephant pants. She self-identifies as an “artist.”
-Both of us graduated from college two years ago and moved to New York to “follow our careers.” Watch as we navigate the minefield that is our 20s and tackle the challenges of our generation, including: Is it appropriate to sleep with [person X], and would you judge me if I did? Which Thai restaurant should I order from tonight? And how does one install a coat rack onto an electrical panel? (But really if you know the answer to that last one, please drop us a line.)
Aside from the day to day interactions that could probably supply Girls with a season’s worth of dialogue, here are some things that you can look forward to:
-Concerts by local bands that we’re only at because we’re friends of a friends
-Hanging out in Greenpoint
-Hanging out in cafes
-Gallery openings that are incredibly meaningful to us on a deep personal level
-Dinner parties that can really only be called that because they sometimes involve dinner, but more often involve wine
-Lots of angst
What We’re Looking For
Do you watch Girls and think “they’re living the life of my generation; I need to get back to the people and live more like them”? If yes, then you’re probably in the right place. Basically we just want to keep living our lives and we need someone for that room, because we can’t afford to keep the place otherwise and will be forced to move to Bushwick. Typologies of roommates we would accept include “Shoshanna”s or “Marnies.” Bonus points if you’re related to Brian Williams.
It’s a little gross, yes. But such is the realty of a cutthroat real estate market, where any advantage makes the difference in finding a roommate who won’t sell your appliances for drug money. Best of luck to the rentors, and may they find the Marnie they’re looking for.