Like a plucky, intoxicated, Phoenix rising from the smoldering ashes of I-95, it was reported today that Fung Wah–the OG discount bus service from Boston to New York City– will be back on the road starting next year. Federal authorities suddenly shut the bus service down in March of 2013, citing multiple safety violations and offering no explanation to how they let said violations go un-noticed for so long.
Many saw it as a long overdue hit from Greyhound, the bus where passengers could be decapitated on, until Fung Wah changed the game with their $30 dollar round trip fares which handily swiped business from the $80 round trip ‘Hound from hell.
This is particularly exciting news to me because I am a sad, cheap man who regularly rode the Fung-y from Boston to New York and actually found myself stranded mid-trip when the Feds shut them down. In the wake of their temporary federal ban, Greyhound filled the void with their low cost Chinatown bus named “Yo!” because that’s what the kids are saying these days, I guess. They only run half as many buses as Fung Wah did, with twice the headache and cost in terms of both service and value.
Of the hundreds of times I took Fung Wah and regularly got stoned and hammered with my fellow adventurous travelers, I never had a bus break down, catch fire, or ride with live chickens, as many delusional racists who never used the service used to claim. Interestingly enough, the few times I used Yo!, my bus regularly broke down. The final time I used the Yo!, one of their shredded, smoking, tires flew off of the bus and the driver just kept going. In the meantime Lucky Star–the passive aggressive little sister of Fung Wah–not only upped their fares to $25 dollars each way, they also implemented an Uber-like holiday up-charge this past Thanksgiving, raping their riders for up to $45 dollars each way. Burn in hell, Lucky Star. Or at least on the side of highway in Connecticut (joke–not wishing harm on anyone).
There is no word on how different service will be for Fung Wah’s return or if their rates will also go up, but I can assure you I will be breaking a bottle of peppermint schnapps on the side of the first bus that leaves New York and will not be missing the fat, bossy uncles that Yo! Bus calls their drivers. Go fuck yourselves with those crackling microphones, you tubby losers.