Culture

Diddy & Kate Upton Are Dating Because Screw You

Culture

Diddy & Kate Upton Are Dating Because Screw You

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Diddy performs at Wrestlemania and sneers at Joaquin Phoenix’s joke rapping and acts alongside Russell Brand and doesn’t understand why this dollar bill is in his wallet; Kate Upton poses in Sports Illustrated and dances for Terry Richardson and sits in a throne that’s literally made of crystallized male gaze. Mogul and model—it’s a couple made in tabloid heaven, really. Gossip pages are reporting that Diddy and Upton are dating just a month after Upton split with MLB pitcher Justin Verlander and only a few months after Diddy was supposedly hunting for houses with supposed girlfriend Cassie.

Now, Diddy and Upton are kissing. They’re getting dinner. They’re flaunting their celebrity to the world, because this is what rich and beautiful powerful people are supposed to do—they’re supposed to couple up, have all kinds of sex the plebes can only aspire to, and make everyone else feel shitty for not grabbing the genetic gift bag.

Reached for comment, Diddy’s representative released this statement.