Last night I received a troubling text from my mother: “Mischa Barton is embarrassing on DWTS.” No, I was not troubled by the fact that Dancing With The Stars is referred to by mothers via acronym, I was troubled by the fact that Mischa Barton, AKA Marissa Cooper, AKA Coop, AKA my #1 teen girl crush had failed to make a comeback.
In my wildest fantasies, Mischa, or Misch (as I call her in an alternate reality in which we are besties), waltzed or sambaed or sashayed her way onto the DWTS stage looking as radiant as she did when she wore Chanel to prom. She would go on to have a Hulu show or at least a podcast (the kind that’s filmed, of course). Eventually I could use my position as a “journalist” to interview her and at long last we would be friends.
But alas, it was not to be. “She got voted off on the 3rd week,” my mom told me. “Surprised she lasted that long” (my mom can be a savage sometimes, god bless her).
I should have swallowed the heartbreaking news without googling Mischa’s three episode journey on DWTS, but my curiosity got the best of me. If you prefer to remember Mischa as she was, may I suggest not watching the following.
And, of course, my mother closed by offering some sage words on why Mischa faded into oblivion in the first place: “She just dropped out of sight after the O.C. – went to England for a year. Couldn’t deal with all the fame.”