Anna Wintour and Gwyneth Paltrow, two women whose health and beauty regimens are surely terrifying, are teaming up to bring us Goop magazine, something we neither need nor asked for. The first issue hits stands in September and anyone who buys it is my nemesis.
According to WWD, the quarterly publication is designed to be a collectable. If you spot someone with a collection of Goop magazines, they’re probably a lizard person. Naturally, it will focus on health and wellness, filling the Self-sized hole in Condé Nast’s repertoire. Here’s Wintour singing Paltrow’s praises:
“I’ve long known Gwyneth to have wonderful taste and vision — but with Goop she has built something remarkable, a thoroughly modern take on how we live today. Goop and Condé Nast are natural partners and I’m excited she’s bringing her point of view to the company. We all look forward to working with her and her team.”
When Wintour says “we,” she is referring to only her and Paltrow, because barely anyone on this planet lives the life Goop is pushing. In a world where print is undeniably dying, this is the most out of touch move Condé Nast has made in a recent memory. It is also my personal nightmare.