In honor of his sharp new memoir, Fresh Off the Boat, Baohaus founder EDDIE HUANG gets blunt about everything from the McRib to the RZA. Y’all been warned.
What is the best soundtrack to a mushroom-tasting session?
Mushrooms and me don’t get along. I stay puking Technicolor ’cause I eat gummy bears for breakfast.
What food makes you larger?
What food makes you smaller?
What is the three-course meal equivalent of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas?
Cantonese chicken feet to start, then a black-and-blue Pittsburgh’d New York strip steak followed by that Italian flag–colored, spiked Jell-O jump-off for dessert.
What is the cocktail equivalent of Picasso’s “Guernica”?
A kimchi Bloody Mary with ice cubes shaped like RZA’s “UZI” rings.
What foods would you take with you to a dystopian city in the future?
Pork belly and mustard greens.
What is the most schizophrenic ingredient?
Corn and soybeans. They can be savory. They hold mad glutamates. They can be candy. They can be polenta. They can be milk. They can be grown alongside wind power plants. They can be government subsidized. They can totally fuck up the food system when there’s a drought.
If you had to start a cult centered on a vegetable, what would it be?
Escarole. Raw, sautéed, grilled, simmered, steamed, or braised, it’s fucking delicious. It’s meatier than lettuce—pause—but it’s lighter than bok choy, yet fibrous enough to stew. I’m on that escarole flow. As a kid, though, kong xin tsai was my favorite. “Hollow heart” vegetable—she weak, but so delicious. She the shawty that can swim, but won’t be with you shootin’ in the gym. No heart. I had to stop fuckin’ with her.
What would the rituals of this cult entail?
We would rock escarole chains, sip Cîroc Coconut, and wipe our asses with inferior greens like iceberg lettuce.
Art by LE CREATIVE SWEATSHOP
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