Cultural Commentator

A Certain Number of Things You Don’t Know About Axelle Despiegelaere, the Viral Belgian Soccer Fan Model and Human

Cultural Commentator

A Certain Number of Things You Don’t Know About Axelle Despiegelaere, the Viral Belgian Soccer Fan Model and Human

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By now you’ve probably heard the story about Axelle Despiegelaere, the 17 year old Belgian soccer fan who’s taken the internet by storm. In case you missed it, the viral rumor mill has it that Despiegelaere was spotted in the crowd cheering on her team during the World Cup, then quickly exploded on the internet, ultimately leading to some sort of interest from L’Oreal, which everyone is describing as a “modeling contract”, but who knows what that even means anymore. A Facebook fan page for the lovely young lady is currently approaching 250,000 likes. Good for her. Good for everyone.

All of that has been well documented so far by all of the websites who document these sorts of things. But there are a few things that you may not know about this suddenly micro-famous internet teen, which I have compiled for you below in an easily digestible list format.

1) Despiegelaere is an attractive young woman, which are two attributes that are prized in cultures around the world, not only ours here in the United States. In fact, attractive young women have been a high demand commodity for almost the entirety of human history.

2) The entire reason we know about the existence of this particular human is that the practice of cutting to babes in the audience at sporting events is a time honored tradition. Slate took a look into the history of this practice earlier this week, saying it was long time ABC director Andy Sidaris who pioneered the so-called “honey shot.”

3) The reason this editing technique took off is because heterosexual men have long been confused by the amount of time and energy they spend focusing on the bodies of strong young men, and the occasional reminder that women exist helps them to balance out this unsettling feeling.

4) In other words, the honey shot provides plausible deniability for a bro watching the game if there are unexpected stirrings in the pants quadrant.

5) Despiegelaere is 17 years old. That’s a small number of years to have existed, relative to other people’s number of years in existence such as mine and probably yours.

6) It is nice to be young.

7) Teenagers in Belgium are just as dumb as teenagers everywhere else.

8) Despiegelaere recently deleted her Facebook account when people started to criticize an image she posted of herself next to a African gazelle she shot to death with a high powered rifle.

 

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9) Animals, like humans, are vulnerable to bullets.

10) Remember the other day when we were all up in arms about that Texas cheerleader who was posting pictures of all the animals she slaughtered?

11) How long before Teen Vs. Antelope is a reality series?

12) How many unarmed teens do you suppose you could trample if you were a rhino?

13) Pamela Anderson is said to have gotten her big break when she was spotted at a Canadian Football game.

14) If you want to be a famous model probably go to more football games because there are a lot of cameras there.

15) This whole thing will probably turn out great for everyone concerned.