BULLETT

No. The answer is no, of course, as it will always be for headlines that end in a question mark, but someone did some kind of study or other looking into it, so it behooves us to at least ask the question.

Beer is obviously intricately tied into American politics, and more specifically, politicking, as this piece in the National Journal points out, which at least partly explains why everyone sounds like a loudmouth, babbling douche every time they try to talk about the issues. “Beer is also a staple on the presidential campaign trail,” they write, “with candidates often visiting pubs to show they understand the common man. Similarly, pollsters sometimes ask the question, ‘Who would you rather have a beer with?’ to gauge which candidate has the likeability edge.” Side note: remember when everyone’s idiot dad voted for George Bush because “he seemed like the type of guy you’d want to have a beer with?” Not hearing that line of arguing so much these days in favor of Romney, are we?  What kind of made-up litmus test is that anyway? I don’t even pick the actual guys I have beers with based on the criteria of a guy I’d like to have a beer with.

So, yeah, the National Journal put together a graph based on research data about what brands of beer we drink, and whether or not that correlates to how, and if, we vote, in the wake of a political dust up featuring the Most Interesting Man in the World, Dos Equis pitch man and actor Jonathan Goldsmith, who hosted a fundraiser for president Obama. “As the bubble chart shows, Dos Equis is a bipartisan brew – Republicans and Democrats both like to drink it. So Mr. Goldsmith’s public foray into the 2012 race could alienate a large share of Dos Equis fans.”

Some other interesting findings from the chart here:  Sam Adams drinkers tend to be Republicans with a high voter turn out rate. Sam Adams Light drinkers identify a bit more toward the left, because being fat is a Republican tent pole issue. Molson drinkers tend to be higher turn out Democrats, because anything remotely affiliated with Canada is obviously a communist plot. Corona and Heineken drinkers lean heavily toward the left, but, strangely, don’t vote that much, perhaps because they’re too busy pooping out that gross swill on the toilet to leave the house on election day? The data doesn’t really get into bathroom habits, sadly.

Obama famously has been brewing his own beer in the White House, or at least the people who make Obama’s food and drinks have been. (“YOU DIDN’T BREW THAT.” – Barack Obama). That seems like the type of thing that Republicans would normally get behind — the craft beer movement is one of the best examples of a rising, small business economy model in the country right now. But then again, it’s usually brewed by hippies with beards and shorts on, so you can see their dilemma. The truth is, we shouldn’t be drinking any of the shitty macro-piss that most of this data mentions, locally-made craft brew is one thing that should unite us all on either side of the political divide. Drink better beer, if not for yourself, then for your country.

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