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Beware the Butt Bomb: Al Qaeda’s Perfect New Terror Toy

News

Beware the Butt Bomb: Al Qaeda’s Perfect New Terror Toy

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The fine young men that make up Al Qaeda in the Arab Peninsula have done it again! Just five years after the Failed Flying Underwear Bomber, Umar Abdulmutallab, farted and fizzled on a Christmas flight over the Detroit skies, AQAP has a new, perfect weapon.

They call it the REDACTED bomb in Arabic. In English, it is called an explosive butt plug.

Because it is haram (forbidden in Arabic) for a dang Moslem to stick anything up yer bum, the AQ fanzine Inspire has merely alluded to the anal penetration. The Intercept has the story:

The jihadist magazine claims to have been conducting recent experiments to identify easy-to-find materials for its rectal bomb (eggs, vinegar and nail polish are involved), and includes specific techniques for avoiding explosive detection screenings. “An [airport] employee pats most of the parts of the body EXCEPT some parts,” the article says.

 

Winky winky. One of the reason’s The Underwear Bomber failed is because he wore his undergarment for two fucking weeks and the explosive melted into his rectum. How bummed you think the Feds were who had to disembowel him. “Ohhhoohhh that smell, can’t you smell that smell…”

The terrorist/idiots behind this ingeniously dumb idea offered great advice for wannabe butt bombers:

…to the would-be lone Mujahid butt bomber once seated on the plane: “Relax, do not become tense.”

And take a bunch of Tylenol, too, it blocks you up, Jihadi moron. Suggested targets include “‘American economy high profile personalities,’ like Ben Bernanke and Bill Gates.” AQAP’s magazine is like a South Park dreamland.