It’s been a hectic few weeks here in Boston, what with that whole terrorism thing that rightfully diverted the attention of our fine law enforcement agencies, who, I’ll be the first to admit, despite being a filthy PC hippie, did a very admirable job. But now that the dust has settled, it feels good to be getting back to normal and to see the city’s police return to doing what they do best: posing as music fans and trolling Facebook for DIY shows. Or so it would seem, but maybe this is something else? Something a lot more nefarious than cops.
A few friends in Boston bands have alerted my attention to a couple of new hilariously inept profiles that have been adding them as friends, like this definite person that exists, Nancy Redenius, who, like the infamous Donna Giordano, also happens to attend Regis College. My suspicious friend broke it down like so:
1) cute girl
2) “attends” Regis college in Newton like the other account who has suddenly gone dark
3) recently opened FB account
4) attractive pics, one of which is in her bra/panties (wtf cops??)
5) has a picture of “her” and Paris Hilton who is tagged as someone not on her friend list
6) has no local friends but just happens to “like” 30 boston bands.
A recent status update from this week, with no comments, almost makes it seem believable: “Sometimes the strongest people are the ones who love beyond all faults, cry behind closed doors and fight battles that noboday knows about.”
That’s exactly the type of empty, misspelled nothingness most of you real people post on Facebook. If I didn’t have an encyclopedic knowledge of amateur porn stars from the mid 2000s she might have gotten away with it! (She’s using pictures of porn-person Raven Riley as her profile pics.)
“I hope you believe in yourself as much as I believe in you” reads the header pic image she’s using. That’s funny, I was just going to say the exact opposite about you.
This guy here liked that photo anyway, which, wow, he seems real, but somehow even faker than the obvious imposters.
Here’s another fake, which friends in the scene have started to notice, and have commenced trolling, so don’t mistake some of the actual interactions on his activity as evidence of real life friends. It’s a fella by the name of Jack Worst who joined Facebook a few days ago, works at Urban Outfitters (hipster), and is using another dude from a Boston band’s picture as his profile. Jack Worst’s likes include Doc Martens, Xbox, cocaine, Batman, Monster Energy, pizza, and Skrillex. Sounds like the most basic dude you’ve ever met, which makes it at least somewhat believable.
This one photo is pretty amazing though. “We got so wasted that day off everything from glue to oc’s, i cant believe i remember it lol, good times back in the days, makes me wanna party lol” reads the caption. Haha, no you didn’t. None of that happened.
Sounds a lot like the m.o. of the phishing cops, but this one feels a little different. Also mixed in with Worst’s likes are a surprising number of big-booty “African sex” sites, which, coupled with the profile using Raven Riley, and the seemingly actual porn industry dude who liked one of her photos, makes it seem rather like there’s a new group of weirdos trying to get Boston bands to fall into their trap: porn spammers. In other words, business as usual on the internet. I’m not sure what’s worse though, the cops or the spammers. Those porn dudes are fucking scary.