January 9, 2013

There are a lot of thoughts one could have about the newest issue of GQ, which features Beyonce on the cover, ranging from the innocent (“I guess she likes the color blue!”) to the ignorant (“*censored for indelicate language*”). Personally, I’ll note that Beyonce could probably beat the shit out of me if she wanted to, because seriously, look at that muscle tone.

Instead, I mostly wanted to point out the text in the corner—”Gentleman, Put Your Pants Back On”—and offer invisible Internet daps to whatever half-drunk designer decided “Fuck it, life’s a risk.” It’s not the first time suggestive language’s been linked to a cover image, but it’s a remarkably superliminal way to speak to the reader and admonish him for harboring such ugly, boner-ready thoughts about Queen Bey. I mean, what are you thinking? Why are you standing in the magazine aisle at Barnes and Noble, dick in your hand, ready to freestyle all over an issue you haven’t even had the decency to purchase yet? Do not pass Go, you filthy animal; put your pants back on, and at least try to pretend you’re reading GQ for the long form articles, and not the dozens of recycled editorials with the subtext of “Here’s Why You’re Poor and Ugly” or “Here’s A Woman You’ll Never Sleep With.” Beyonce will still be there, if you give your hormones a rest. Come on, bro.

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