Baby Hashtag Is Kind of a Cute Name, Actually. These Ones Are Worse


Baby Hashtag Is Kind of a Cute Name, Actually. These Ones Are Worse


Quick everyone, gather round the internet, because someone, somewhere did something arguably stupid and we’re going to talk about it now. As Mashable pointed out earlier today, you don’t necessarily have to be famous to shackle your offspring to a lifetime of nominal ridicule. In fact, you can be a regular old internet-addicted asshole like you and me; like these folks who named their newborn Hashtag. Is it real? Does it matter? It’s real enough even if it’s not.

To be honest, considering the near-infinite combination of sounds, letters, symbols, geographical locations, and corporate brands that there are out there to choose from, I kind of think the name is cute. Hashtag. Tag for short, just like Sarah Palin’s kid! Have you seen the way young people have been identifying themselves online for the past few years? Seems like we’re almost about ready to welcome into the world a new age of µøø∆s and ∑®∫√s. As far as internet-based names go, this is some entry-level shit.

Try saying it out loud. Hash. Little precious Hashy-bashy. Taggy poo. It’s really not that much worse than Mike, when you think about it. WTF is a Mike, anyway? Nice name, loser.

That said, here’s a list of some names that I want you all to immediately notify me of when they eventually get taken by some misguided parent or other, because these would truly over the line:

Lobster Tits

Ol’ Scallop Pegs Johnson

Little Baby “Baby” Our New Baby


Internet Jones

Actually that last one was pretty awesome.

CNTRL-F “Baby Name”

Huffington Post

Fiscal Cliff




That One Baby That We Made



Follow Luke O’Neil on Twitter.