This article originally appeared on Styleite.
Everything I know about filming sex scenes in movies I learned from the world’s most adorably awkward porn plot in Love Actually, which makes simulated sex look silly and detached and something you can do while chatting politely about the weather. Maybe you can even meet the cute Welsh guy of your dreams!
Well this video of Brooklyn Decker and Patrick Wilson getting it on during the filming of Stretch shows that it’s actually just as awkward as celebrities claim it to be. After watching the actors receive some possibly left-of-the-mark words of encouragement – “great fucking!” – and be spritzed with canned sweat I’m feeling considerably more complacent about having a job that never gets sexier than… well, watching these simulated sex videos. And maybe fantasizing about the janitor, but that’s a story for another day.
1. Evian water is sexier than you think.
Does that mean there’s also a sexy use for canned cheese? (No it doesn’t, don’t even think about it.)
2. Quality over quantity.
Okay so I don’t want dudes to take this too literally, but’s okay to finish in three seconds if they’re the best three seconds of her life.
3. Laughter is good.
As you don’t do it in the wrong parts.
4. Words of encouragement don’t have to come from your partner.
Next time your roommate bangs loudly on your bedroom wall mid-act, just imagine they’re cheering you on.
5. Eye contact is important.
“You don’t want to let his eyes go.” Hey, if these two can do it with an entire film crew watching, there’s no excuse for you to always want the lights off.
6. Even actors have bad angles.
Sex IRL isn’t the most aesthetically pleasing act. But if he’s staring up your nostrils, just remember your calves probably look fantastic.
7. Your real job isn’t that bad.
Happy Monday — at least your boss probably won’t see you naked today.