Culture

Happy Fucking New Year: 6 New Yorkers’ Sex Resolutions

Culture

Happy Fucking New Year: 6 New Yorkers’ Sex Resolutions

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Every year we attempt to wipe the slate clean. We start fresh and write down our precious “resolutions” in hopes to make this year the “BEST” year. While my resolutions usually go down the drain a few months in, this year I thought it would be best to shift the focus on sex.

A new year equals increased opportunities for better, kinkier sex. While most of you are attempting to go to the gym more, eat healthy and all that self-improvement shit that will crumble around mid-February, I asked a bunch of New York kids what their sex and dating resolutions will be for 2015. We can all benefit from better sexual habits–and sex does in fact burn calories. So suck on that Equinox nerds.

Advice below:
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Name: Jazmin Venus Soto

Age: 28

Relationship Status: It’s complicated

Job Title: International DJ/Creator of GHE20G0TH1K + Music at HOOD BY AIR

Favorite Sexual Position? Tie between doggy and cowgirl.

Your Sex/Dating Resolution for 2015:

Sex Resolution: Use more handcuffs and chokers with leashes in the bedroom, have my first threesome with two women.

Dating Resolution: Always avoid an argument by getting naked immediately, rolling a joint and turning on that Marvin Gaye.

Ultimate person you would like to fuck/date in 2015?

Fuck: A Russian hacker.

Date: A Japanese street racer.

What do you think the next sex trend is for 2015? Orgies with your hottest girlfriends. I hope.

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Name: Brandee Brown

Age: 24

Relationship Status: Single, but I really do like someone in particular…like a lot.

Occupation: Filmmaker, actress, creative– I also sometimes think in my old age I may want to give the life I have at the time up to move to the desert or to any country at that time that holds my interest. Go there and start to dig until I reach the middle of the Earth.

Favorite Sexual Position: Uhh, no favorite for me. You know what they say? Variety is the spice of life!

Sex/Dating Resolution for 2015: My sex/dating resolution is to not fall in love so quickly.

Ultimate person you would like to fuck/date in 2015? Since this is such a put yourself on blast type of question, lets just think outside the box. My answer is most definitely Tom Hardy. Ya know Charlie Bronson mate?

What do you think the next sex trend is for 2015? I don’t know about next sex trend but what I think is getting bigger is the sex toy industry. I think more and more young adults will be inclined to explore their sexual options by using fun toys instead of just the old fashion way.

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Name: Zoe Silverman of ASTR

Age: 25

Relationship Status: Building my empire

Job Title: Singer, writer, performer

Favorite Sexual Position? Downward facing dog

Your Sex/Dating Resolution for 2015: Quality over quantity

Ultimate person you would like to fuck/date in 2015? Drake

What do you think the next sex trend is for 2015? Sex with a view, balcony sex, roof top sex, and sex on the beach

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Name: Hari Nef

Age: 22

Relationship Status: Trans

Favorite Sexual Position? Holding my phone with both hands

Your Sex / Dating Resolution for 2015: Explore trans lesbianism

Ultimate person you would like to fuck in 2015? The director

What do you think the next sex trend is for 2015? Trans women

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Name: Matt Starr

Age: 26

Relationship Status: Taken

Job Title: Artist, Comedian and Creator of “diet”

Favorite Sexual Position? NSFW

Your Sex/Dating Resolution for 2015: Limiting myself to only masturbating in my own home.

Ultimate person you would like to fuck / date in 2015? I’ve never been with a guy, but the fact that I cum just from watching Russell Brand’s interviews makes him my 2015 ultimate fuck. But I’d settle for Ilana from Broad City <3

What do you think the next sex trend is for 2015? I heard about this app that monitors how many calories you burn during sex and I know it’s really going to take off in 2015. People are always looking for new and creative ways to get fit, so now they have another incentive to have sex. I believe for many people this will replace going to the gym, and there will be a renaissance of people fucking at any chance they get. I know I will be.

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Name: Chloe Wise

Age: 24

Relationship Status: Open stuff

Job Title: Artist

Favorite Sexual Position? Abstinence

Your Sex/Dating Resolution for 2015: Abstinence

Ultimate person you would like to fuck/date in 2015? Anderson Cooper.

What do you think the next sex trend is for 2015? Abstinence

 

And finally my New Year’s Resolutions for 2015 that of course solely focuses on fucking.

 

  1. Limit one-night stands unless I can ensure the sex is good. Someone needs to create an app for this problem (Editor’s Note: On it…).
  2. Get off Tinder. Easier said than done…
  3. Have more day sex. Afternoon delights are a much better way to burn off calories then SoulCycle
  4. Cut back on drunken sexual encounters. Drunk sex is never good sex (Editor’s Note: These are the opinions of this writer, not BULLETT).
  5. Have more sex in general.

 

Happy Fucking in 2015 kids!