Ike Barinholtz is a funny man, but don’t take it from us. That’s what Mindy Kaling keeps reminding us about on her Instagram feed. If you follow Kaling–and you’d be absolutely fucking insane not to–then you’ll know that she loves uploading photos of her costar on The Mindy Project with captions that often go something like “Ike Barinholtz is one the funniest people I know. He has no lines in this scene, but I just noticed his comedy reactions, which are so wonderful.” Check it out. Barinholtz is a Chicago native who got his start in that town’s legendary comedy scene, and later found success on cult shows like MADtv and Eastbound & Down. His role as nurse Morgan Tookers on The Mindy Project (he’s also one of their writers) marks his first big mainstream gig, which is awesome. To get to know him better, we asked Ike some very intimate questions about himself. And like the truly stable and sane person that he is, he answered in all caps.
What is the most disturbing sound you’ve ever heard?
MY PARENTS HAVING SEX…WITH MY WIFE.
What famous person dead or living do most wish you could have as a roommate?
THOMAS JEFFERSON AND JOHN BELUSHI.
What do you think about 3D movies?
NORMALLY NOT A FAN UNLESS IT’S JACKASS OR GRAVITY.
What is your favorite driving music?
40’S ON 4 ON SIRIUS/XM.
Where’s the best place you’ve ever read a book?
I WENT TO A GORGEOUS RESORT IN MEXICO AND THERE WAS AN AMAZING BATHROOM THAT HAD A GREAT VIEW OF THE BEACH.
If you had to live in a past time, what do you think would be the most fun era and why?
I WOULD HAVE TO SAY THE 1920S, EVEN THOUGH EVERYONE PROBABLY SMELLED BAD THEY WERE ALL KIND OF HOT.
What’s a typical Ike Barinholtz lunch?
A GIGANTIC SANDWICH AND ONION RINGS.
What activities do most enjoy doing alone?
If you couldn’t be an actor/writer, are there any other professions you would like to try?
I WOULD BE A HITMAN. IT SEEMS LIKE INTERESTING WORK.
How do you wind down before bed?
I TAKE A SHORT NAP.
When are you most relaxed?
THE TEN MINUTES AFTER I FALL ASLEEP BECAUSE I KNOW I’LL HAVE AT LEAST 30 MINUTES BEFORE I HAVE TO WAKE UP TO PEE.
Where is your favorite place to vacation in America?
EVEN THOUGH I GREW UP THERE I LOVE GOING TO CHICAGO TO GET FAT/DRUNK
What kind of guy were you in high school?
IN MY MIND I WAS BIG MAN ON CAMPUS BUT I WAS KIND OF A DIPSHIT.
Can you tell me a quality about yourself that you are genuinely proud of?
I AM FANTASTIC TIPPER. EVEN IF THE SERVICE SUCKS I WILL TIP LIKE 25 PERCENT.
Do you have any actual phobias?
I HAVE PHOBOPHOBIA, THE FEAR OF FEARING THINGS.
Which actors or artists inspire you?
BEETHOVEN AND WILL FERRELL.
Any good travel recommendations for someone visiting L.A.?
GO TO MOZZA AND THE ARCLIGHT THEATER.
What’s a serious side of you that people are unlikely to know about? Either in terms of interests, hobbies, or personality?
I CAN MAKE SOUP LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER.
What most bothers you about life in Los Angeles?
PEOPLE TEXTING ON THEIR PHONES WHILE THEY DRIVE. THEY SHOULD GET THE GAS CHAMBER FOR THAT.
What’s the best soup you’ve ever had and where did you have it?
HAHA I JUST MENTIONED SOUP. AT L’ATELIER JOEL ROBUCHON IN PARIS I HAD A CREAM OF CHESTNUT SOUP, I ALMOST STARTED CRYING IT WAS SO GOOD.
What are some new hobbies you would like to take on?
I’D LIKE TO TRY TO WATCH MORE TV.
If you had to make us laugh with one Youtube clip, which one would it be?
THAT DUDE AUDITIONING AND DOING A BACK FLIP AND FAINTING AND THEN STILL TRYING TO USE HIS NUNCHUCKS IS ALWAYS GOOD.
What’s the most challenging thing about being a creative person?
THANK YOU FOR ASSUMING I AM CREATIVE. I WOULD HAVE TO SAY NOT KILLING YOURSELF AFTER YOU FIND OUT AN AMAZING IDEA YOU JUST CAME UP WITH HAS ALREADY BEEN DONE
If there was a phrase that you think best sums up your approach to life what might it be?
EITHER CARPE DIEM OR PULL MY FINGER.