Björk took to the Internet last night to announce Vulnicura, the highly anticipated follow-up album to 2011’s Biophilia. We were a little disappointed to be honest, naturally expecting that she’d unleash thousands of baby birds to peck on our moonlit windows with handwritten letters detailing the new album. Alas, Björk’s fantasy can only stretch reality so far.
Her ninth studio album is composed of six total songs with wonderfully Björk titles like, “Stonemilker” and, “Mouth Mantra.” Venezuelan producer Arca produced and co-wrote with Björk for Vulnicura, bringing to the table his previous work with sultry crooner FKA Twigs and on Kanye West’s latest effort Yeezus.
Since not much yet is known about what Vulnicura will sound like, we’ve decided to put forth an educated guess. Here’s a list of probable sounds for Björk’s forthcoming album, all taking cues from the Icelandic singer’s beautifully bizarre past.
1. Dozens of spoons being manically blended together
2. A common gadwall being strangled and brought back to life
3. Newborn babies bawling inside large, glass vases
4. A possum chewing on pearl necklaces
5. Aliens abducting Marina Abramović and spoon feeding her moon dust
6. A rare flower garden being ripped up and set ablaze
7. Blue whales giving birth
8. Owl bones shaking inside a cheesecloth sack
9. A leaky showerhead
10. Wind gently brushing against a furry alpaca
11. A slowed-down Ryan Trecartin film
12. Teeth being flossed with horsehair
13. Runaway carriages plummeting down a cobblestone hill
14. Silk worms weaving a floor-length gown
15. Kamikaze fishing boats crashing into glaciers
16. A choir of sleepy toddlers humming
17. The moment when Mariah Carey lost her voice
18. The Second Coming
19. A life-saving heart transplant
20. A laptop being wildly beaten by violins