Business Insider has a list up today called 16 Wildly Successful People Who Majored In English, and it goes a little something like this: “English majors get a bad rap in today’s college debate, and it seems they always have. It’s argued that their education doesn’t provide the necessary skills required in today’s economy.” Like, for example, math. “We’ve included 17 people who prove that success is determined by your drive, not background,” they say, which I guess if you round it down it’s close enough to 16. Maybe it’s a metaphor? That’s an English major thing.
So who are these wildly successful former book-reading, layabouts? Sting, the musician, who did manage to rhyme cough with Nabokov once, so that counts. Also, it says here he was an an actual teacher before his music career, which means the storyline of that song was probably biographical. Gross.
Who else? Mitt Romney! Bahaha, had no idea about this one. Apparently he got his undergrad in English at Brigham Young before going on to become a anthropomorphized walking dollar bill with a penis for a head. How did he get so successful? English! Also his father handed it all to him. But, you know, English majoring had to play a part in that somehow.
Then there’s a couple of CEOs, bla bla bla, followed by Conan O’Brien, Bob Woodward, and Barbara Walters, because, weird, a comedy writer and a couple of journalists were English majors? Did not see that one coming. Next up is Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, who, much like your humble blogger here, was an English major at the College of Holy Cross. Sure, so I may just be a blogger, and not a Supreme Court Justice, but at least I didn’t turn into literally the least engaged, scandal-plagued, worst of the Supreme Court Justices, so there is that.
See the rest of the 16-17 successful former English majors here. Then drop out of your program and start studying something you can actually make a living with, like fashion, or rock music, or hang gliding, because these are the outliers. Another thing these successful people all have in commom: Yale, Princeton, Harvard, Dartmouth, Amherst… Maybe try going to one of those schools if you can. Free advice right there.