Culture

9 Things You Didn’t Know About the Royal Baby

Culture

9 Things You Didn’t Know About the Royal Baby

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1) Bookmakers have placed odds on what the baby’s name will be. The favorite is Alexandra. Most bookies are named things like Vinny and Marco, however, so they’re not to be trusted when it comes to names.

2) Bucking generations of tradition, Prince William will, like his father Charles before him, be in attendance in the delivery room. When Charles was born, his father, Prince Phillip, was playing squash, which is the English term for fucking one of the servants while a fox watches.

3) Economists are predicting a $380 million boost to the economy following the birth of the baby, but that number is misleading since most of that is made up of rubies and diamonds that come slooshing out the royal womb with the afterbirth.

4) While it’s a very common expression now, “This is a royal pain in the fucking cunt,” didn’t enter the common vernacular until Elizabeth Boew-Lyon, queen to George VI  said as much during both of the births of her two children. It subsequently became her catchphrase.

5) Despite it flying in the face of a modern and democratic society, they still have princes and queens, and princesses and what not in the year 2013.

6) This will be the first Royal Birth not presided over by a horse in the delivery room.

7) In keeping with standard practice established by Henry VIII, if the first born is not a boy, she’ll probably grow up to have pictures of her royal tits published on the internet at some point.

8) Although it was mostly covered up by the mainstream media, Hilary Clinton was driving the car the night Diana died.

9) Despite appearances to the contrary from the round-the-clock coverage in the media, a famous baby from another country existing in the world probably won’t have much of an impact on your day to day life.